The Story of Thomas and Donna

Feelings before the ligation

My husband and I were married in Perth, Western Australia in December 1983. Shortly after our wedding we moved to the other side of the country to begin our married life. We had talked about children from time to time, but not in any specifics. Sometimes Ron would joke that he wanted at least eight! I didn’t take him seriously. In reality we both thought at least four would be great, but we didn’t ever contemplate a final number. We were married seven months when we found out we were expecting our first child. She was conceived the very first time we “tried” so we thought, “This is easy.”

God bless my womb.

When Janna was 11 months old, we decided to try again and Jacob was conceived easily too. The two of them were born 20 months apart and we were feeling good about this baby business. When Jacob was 11 months old, I fell pregnant with our third baby. Matthew was conceived a little earlier than we expected but we thought, “Fine, we don’t really mind how close they are.” I did get some comments such as, “You guys breed like rabbits.” That hurt.

When Matthew was about 15 months old, we received news that we were to move back to Western Australia for my husband’s job. We were pleased about that as it meant we would be living closer to families again- the first time since we were married. It was on this trip back to Western Australia that I suspected I might be pregnant again. Yes, it was confirmed when we arrived. By the time this fourth pregnancy was on its way, I thought that falling pregnant and having babies was so easy.

An unplanned and hasty decision.

When I went into labor with Thomas, things started to go wrong. All of my labors were extremely long and difficult. I would be in hard labor for at least 24 hours each time. Thomas decided that he would like to be born a little earlier than due date and my water broke at home two weeks early. I was induced, followed by a very long and hard labor that did not progress at all. After 20 hours I was only 3 cm dilated and the baby was distressed. It was suggested that I have a c-section. I readily agreed as I’d had enough, and so had my husband. While we were signing the consent form, my doctor asked if I would like a tubal ligation at the same time he was delivering the baby. He also told Ron that I shouldn’t be allowed to go through all this pain anymore. We were very naive, and so we went ahead with the tubal ligation. Once I came out of the recovery room, what we had done really hit home. It felt so wrong!

Feelings after the ligation

It was hard for me to bond with Thomas because I was in a dark depression after his birth. I remember saying to my doctor that I think he made a mistake and we shouldn’t have had it done. He agreed that he had acted impulsively but we could always get a reversal and I was only 29!

When Thomas was 18 months old, I couldn’t cope with my sorrow or depression anymore. I firmly belied it was God convicting me of what I had done. I asked my dad how I would know if it was God talking to me or the devil trying to make me feel guilty. He told me to pray and seek God’s will and His peace. All I know is that when I considered having a reversal, I felt a peace from the Lord.

All our troubles started after the tubal.

Another side effect after the tubal ligation was that my periods became very heavy. I saw my local GP who was very helpful and after handing me a box of tissues to mop up my tears, he arranged for me to see the doctor who performed the ligation so he could take off the clamps. When I said that he had actually cut the tubes too, he made another phone call, this time to a micro-surgeon. Four months later I was in the hospital again for the reversal. This doctor told me the chicness of falling pregnant were good- about 85% in fact, although one tube was in much better shape than the other was.

Feelings after the ligation reversal

About this time, my husband felt a calling to the ministry. We made plans to once again move interstate so that he could commence the five-year course in Geelong, Victoria. During the year and a half, we took to make preparations, we felt it was not the right time to try to have a child so we used Natural Family Planning for a while. We were definitely not thinking straight! In February of 1993 Ron commenced his studies and I discovered that I was pregnant! Would you believe that I was still “not ready” and was upset? The pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, a blighted ovum when only the sac develops. We put this down to a shaky start at college and then started to try in earnest for a baby. By the time I think I was starting to finally give things over to the Lord. What a patient God we serve!

Over the next six months we tried and in August I conceived! This time the pregnancy ended up being an ectopic pregnancy. Time moved on and six months later I conceived again, only to lose this one at six weeks. By this time, I was becoming anxious and fearful. By now it was October 1994, three years since the reversal operation. I conceived again, and once more had an ectopic pregnancy. The same doctor operated on me, and was very careful to give me time to consider what he suggested – to remove the tube this time. After prayer, Ron and I decided the tube should be removed since the second ectopic pregnancy was in exactly the same place as the first. I recovered from the operation and many months passed with no further conceptions taking place.

I wanted to know how things were so my doctor sent me off to have a hysterosalpingogram, and an x-ray to see if the tubes are open by injecting dye up thought the uterus. The test showed that the remaining tube was open, but very narrow and twisted. My doctor said I would never conceive again.

I felt that God might be punishing me for having my tubes tied in the first place. However, God does not work in that way and He showed me He did forgive me and loves me. Last year we went inter-state to visit the family and while we were there I conceived again, only to lose the baby at six weeks. Two months went by and I fell pregnant again, and the same thing happened. That was April 1996.

No Longer Fruitful

At the current time of writing (June 1997) I have not connived again. We are now under the care of a new OB/GYN. My last doctor’s advice was to give up trying to avoid further disappointments, or to have Ron come in for a vasectomy so we don’t have to deal with this grief anymore. We weren’t too happy with that! My new OB/GYN is fairly hopeful. We do not know what the future may hold for us. We trust and pray God will give us more children.

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