The Story of Mike and Lisa

Feelings before the ligation

My husband, Mike, and I were married in our early twenties while we were both in the Navy in Hawaii. I had an 18-month-old son, Keith, at the time. We were brand new Christians, still learning about the Bible, and had not discussed our expectations of how many children we wanted. My husband had hoped that I would continue working and put off having children for “at least five years”. In fact, he told me he really didn’t want to have children, nor did he ever want to drive a station wagon. I had hoped to become a stay-at-home mother and have at least four children.

Our twin daughters, Victoria and Adrienne, were conceived on our wedding night. I got out of the Navy when I was six months pregnant and settled in to being a homemaker. My husband is a pretty agreeable man, and though money was tight, he didn’t mind me being home after all although I think he cherished the hope that I would return to work when the children went to school. We actually ended up homeschooling!

Before we were married for a year, we had three children…and a station wagon! When the twins were one, I wanted another child, so my husband reluctantly agreed, but told me that was it. We didn’t even consider that there might be another view besides what everyone else did- using birth control and getting sterilized. People in our church were getting tubal ligations after two or three children. After our third daughter, Rebekah, was born by c-section, I got a tubal ligation while still on the operating table. I first asked my husband if he wanted to try again for a son, but he didn’t want to, so it seemed the practical thing to do. I was 25.

Feelings after the ligation

We moved from Hawaii to Iceland when Rebekah was one. After Rebekah was weaned at around two years old, I began to regret the sterilization. I would cry bitterly when I realized I would never have the joy of conceiving, carrying, and nursing another child. It seemed unbearably sad. My husband didn’t understand. He thought I should be happy with the children we had, which was more than most people had. I talked this over with a friend who felt the same way. She told me about a book I ought to read, The way home by Mary Pride. As I read it my “heart burned within me” as she opened up scriptures about children and family life. She put into words the thoughts and questions I had had as I read the scriptures. I realized there was nothing wrong about wanting more children, in fact it was a godly desire.

My friend also told me that military hospitals did reversals. I was amazed, because I had thought the possibility was out of reach. I talked to my husband about it but he adamantly refused to consider it. He had fallen away from the Lord and was increasingly drawn into an ungodly lifestyle. To his credit, even when he was pursuing his own way, he still had a deep commitment to provide for his family that never wavered. Still, there was much that divided us, and our marriage was shaky.

We moved from Iceland back to Hawaii after two years away. By this time my husband was no longer attending church with me. I still hoped to get a reversal, but my husband refused to discuss it. We prayed for his return to the Lord. I had begun to make inquiries into the reversal operation at the military hospital and found that I could begin the process and get on the waiting list. I asked again if I could do it, and my husband reluctantly agreed, but his heart was not in it. I had worn him down like Delilah wore down Samson.

About one week before the scheduled operation, my pastor asked to talk to me. He gently asked if Mike was 100 percent for the operation and I had to admit that he wasn’t. He advised me that to go ahead with the operation at this time would risk putting a wedge between my husband and me. I knew that was true, so after prayer, I canceled the operation. I had to commit it all to the Lord. I felt like Abraham placing Isaac on the altar. It was the death of my dreams. It had been almost six years since the tubal ligation. During this time, my pastor’s wife, who had lost five children to miscarriage and ectopic pregnancies, encouraged me to put my hope in God, not in the hope of having children to fulfill me. Only God can satisfy the desires of our heart.

Shortly after that, my husband and I experienced a crisis in our marriage. We came close to separating. We both felt trapped and unable to communicate with each other. I cried out to the Lord to do something. The next day, my husband came to church with me and the pastor spoke on “Overcoming Conflicts.” I felt as though the Lord literally reached down and touched us. My husband and I looked at each other, and forgave each other. He began to attend church regularly and one day he took communion. I knew he did it sincerely, because he could not play the hypocrite. He began to grow in the things of the Lord in a way that he hadn’t before. We began to communicate.

After a while, I asked him again if I could get the operation. At first, he said, “If I get a promotion, you may have another baby,” then he said to go ahead and do it. His “yes” was mostly to make me happy, but not a reluctant “yes” fueled by the desire to “shut me up” like before.

Feelings after the ligation reversal

I got the reversal two years after the canceled operation, eight years and five days after I had gotten my tubes tied. I got pregnant three weeks later. After I got pregnant, he got promoted! That really spoke to him about how the Lord works. Rachael was born in 1992, my first vaginal birth after three c-sections. In 1994 I had Matthew, another VBAC. During the years that we had Rachael and Matthew, my husband was ordained an elder in our church in Hawaii and led a home bible study. He grew as a husband, father and man of God to the point where other father came to him for prayer and counsel. We moved from Hawaii to Virginia when Matt was one year old.

Two years later I miscarried after five weeks, but got pregnant again the following month. I had Laura Beth this May, another VBAC, with a certified nurse midwife. Another example of the Lord’s provision occurred two weeks before she was born when someone gave us a much needed second car.

Although my husband will say it’s no his goal to have a big family, but to provide for the ones the Lord gives him, I understand his heart, and we both have welcomed with growing love, the children with whom the Lord has blessed us. Whether He gives us more or does not, at least we know that it’s in His hands and not our own. I can rest in the knowledge that the desire for children, as our biblical foremothers Rachel, Leah, Hannah, Elizabeth, and Sarah can testify, is a godly desire and a prayer that the Lord considers and hears and answers according to His plan. In Malachi 2:15 the Lord gives a reason for uniting a man and his wife, “He seeks godly offspring.” We have purposed to dedicate every one of our children to the Lord who gave them, and to raise them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Just the other day I was holding Laura, with Matt and Rachael playing nearby, and was overwhelmed with gratefulness to the Lord for His many answers to prayer and to my husband of this change of heart. Our marriage is deeply satisfying. Our family is committed to serving the Lord wholeheartedly. Our four older children all know the Lord and are involved in serving in our church. Caring for their younger siblings has given them maturity and tenderness with little ones that has equipped them to serve in the Children’s Ministry. The dreams the Lord gave me didn’t die; His own Spirit gave them life.

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